It's been so long since I posted, but I want to start again. Stuff's been going down in my life and the lives of those closest to me, and I feel the need to vent. So here goes...
My cousin lost her husband last week to a bone marrow disease. He was 29, and so full of life. I keep replaying their wedding over and over in my head; the sun is setting over the Hawaiian beach, I'm nervously clutching Brian's wedding band as I stand up there with them, Cindy is saying her vows, my uncle Mitch is crying. It's such a juxtaposition to what the reality is only a year and half later (to this day, in fact). Brian is gone; his funeral was Monday. Cindy is a widow, and I don't know how to help her grieve this man she loved so much.
I'm filled with anger; why couldn't it have been someone else? Why did pneumonia set in like that? Why Brian?
I'm also filled with despair; despite everything everyone did, he didn't make it. What else should have been, or could have been done? If I had prayed, or if this, or if that...
But mostly, I'm just filled with sadness, that a life so well lived was cut so terribly, terribly short. You will always be loved, Brian Swanson - and you will be so very missed.
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