A Bit About What I Do

So since leaving teaching, most people want to know, "What are you doing, Di?" And I tell them I help people get out from under credit card debt, which is the basic premise of my job. Overall, I'm a financial counselor. This means I offer advice on everything from budgeting to saving for big expenditures to avoiding bankruptcy. For most of my clients, though, I help set up repayment plans for their credit cards. We call them Debt Management Programs, or DMP's.

A DMP isn't something just anyone can get into. We, as an agency, act as a middle man between the consumer and their creditors. As that middle man, we are telling the consumer that they need to pay X number of dollars per month to satisfy their creditors. We also tell the creditors, hey, we're going to send X number of dollars to you per month for this client; given that payment schedule, the client will be paid in full with you in 5 years. So we're making promises to the creditors on behalf of the clients.

In order to do this and have any credibility, we need to make sure our clients can hold up their end of the bargain. That is, we do a full budget analysis - income vs. expenses, what do they have to put towards the debt, & is it enough? If the clients do not have enough money to pay for rent, food, gas, and all that stuff, plus a debt repayment, we won't sign them up for the DMP. What would be the point? We can see they can't afford it, and so it would be empty promises. Instead, we work on their budget to make it affordable. What could they cut down or cut out - dining out, entertainment, clothing spending sprees? There are often things that must be given up in order to gain something else. In this case, the gained thing is financial freedom from debt; usually worth giving something up!

What I like about working for this agency is that we're non-profit. Yes, we do charge a fee for our clients on a DMP, but it's small and goes directly towards our operating costs. It's not like those "consolidation" companies, who charge an arm and a leg up front and THEN help people with their debt. We actually get most of our funding from grants and donations, and a small piece from the government. So I feel pretty good at the end of most days, knowing I helped people rather than hurt them. I wonder if the "consolidators" even think of that?

Anyway, that's a bit about what I do. Sounds kind of boring on paper but as I meet with people and hear their stories, it's really never the same thing twice. Sure, there are some themes that repeat (overspending, bought a house they couldn't afford, etc.) but everyone is different, and that keeps it interesting.

Not the One...Again

So I got the explanation for the silent treatment from my guy - I'm not the one. And he didn't know how to break it to me.

I know you can't force someone to love you. I know this. But just once, couldn't I be that girl? Not by force, but it just happens, like it's supposed to?

Sometimes I think I'm getting there. And yet instead, I find myself constantly being that girl...that girl that guys will sleep with, but not love; that girl that guys might like as a friend, but not more; that girl that a guy could hang out with from time to time, but not long-term. I'm never that girl who a guy falls in love with.

Why can't I be that girl? I keep going over it in my head, trying to reason it out. If I did this, if I did that, if I was thinner, if I wasn't so independent, if I had a big-shot career, if only...

So, I'm back to being alone. Usually I say that being alone doesn't necessarily mean I'm lonely; they are two different things. Right now, though, they are one in the same.

Because even though I'm not the one...for I while, I thought he was.

Silence

Silence. Sometimes I crave it. Other times, it drives me batty. These days, it's the latter of the two. Why do some people think silence is so great? "Silence is golden" sounds like some mealy-mouthed guy's way of saying, "I can't make intelligent conversation, so I'll avoid it by making it seem like silence is really awesome."

Take, for example, the silent treatment. Is there anything worse than shutting someone out by giving them the silent treatment? I mean, at least have the courage to state your position, even if it's, "I just don't want to talk for a while." Fine. Then at least you know. But by not saying anything, or in some cases, by not calling back or returning messages, it gets left to one's own fertile imagination as to why the silence is continuing.

- Did I do something wrong?
- Is there something going on that I can't know about?
- What is this person afraid to tell me that makes them avoid me like the plague?

My experience with silent treatments has always been that they do not help matters; they prolong agony, make matters worse, and eventually don't solve anything. Much better to man up, say your piece, and even if it hurts the other person, be done with it. Why drag it out - what's so shiny and golden about that?

Drunken Extravaganza

Friday night was girls' night, which, as per usual, turned into a drunken extravaganza. Highlights of the evening, in no particular order:

1. Drinking 5 bottles of wine...between the 3 of us...with no dinner.
2. Drunk dialing my boyfriend Brian, only to realize we'd called my brother Brian. Oops.
3. Dancing to Britney Spears over and over again...Geb has some nice moves!!
4. Using M&M's to make our wine different colors. Fun!
5. Tucking in Geb and then talking to Paul a half hour after she passed out. Not even a twitch when her phone rang - out for the count!
6. Talking to Natalie - it was way too late to call, but she humored us and we loved it!
7. Delicious snacks - fruit platter, Cheetos, peanut butter M&M's, bean dip, & blue corn chips (yes, Manda, with flax seed!).

Didn't have as bad a hangover as I thought I would, but working at the bank the next day wasn't exactly fun. Oh well - always worth it!!

Nope, not McDreamy

So as I moved to St. Louis Park, I have had to collect a whole new cadre of professionals with whom to round out my life. New mechanic? Check. New chiropractor? Check (and crack!). And then to my least favorite, new dentist. I despise the dentist, but have seen too many toothless wonders out there to deny the importance of dental hygiene.

So...I went to Dr. Dave Hertelendy at All Care Dentistry. They do sedation dentristry there...I mean, they would knock me out, drill their holes and whatnot, and when I wake up, I have no memory of the ordeal and my teeth are fabulous! How good a deal is that?

The downsides - Dr. Dave is no McDreamy. My previous dentist, Dr. Patet was quite Dreamy-like. Also, my initial cleaning & exam involved no drugs or memory suppression. And as the Floss Nazi (I think her name was Dorice) sawed into my gums, scraped with her scrapey thing, and otherwise tortured me, something went awry and I had a throbbing pain in my second-from-the-back-on-the-right-side molar (not sure of "technical" name) by the time I left the office. Ow!! Not sure what they jostled back there, but damn, it hurt!

Hours later, I was still throbbing, couldn't drink or eat anything on that side of my mouth, and talking and moving my jaw hurt like hell. So I curled up in a ball, took too many Ibuprofen, and slept it off as best I could. We've now resorted to a dull, sometimes-it-hurts ache. I think in their cleaning expedition, they hit a cavity (I guess I have two) and it's still smarting.

I have a follow-up appointment to fill the cavities in a few weeks. In the interim, I'll try to floss...but gently...and be a good dental caretaker. But I still hate the dentist. Maybe if he was McDreamy, it wouldn't be so bad...but in this case, drugs will have to do.