Donae

I alluded in an earlier blog about a former student of mine, Donae. At the risk of breaking down, because I'm still really traumatized by my recent visit to her, I want to tell you all what happened. But first, some background:

Donae was a senior at Forest Lake last year. I first met her during 2nd quarter, when she was in my Independent Living class. I recognized the name, having had her sister Elise a few years earlier. With some trepadation, I got to know Donae - she was opinionated, bullheaded, loud, and firm in her convictions. I really didn't care for her at first, and I think the feeling may have been mutual.

That was the quarter when I had my cancer scare and had to miss school for surgery. The kids were all pretty sympathetic about the situation; my Independent Living kids most of all, for whatever reason. When I came back towards the end of the term, I made some concessions regarding missing work because I felt it was unfair to punish the kids for my absence and their subsequent confusion on what was due when. Donae benefitted greatly from this one-time exception, and I think ended up with a B- instead of a D- or F in the class. She was very grateful.

Third term came around, and there was Donae again, but this time in my Interior Space & Design class. I had learned a lesson with her - sit her front & center, and she's not nearly so chatty or easily distracted. It worked well, and I got a chance to enjoy her more, as opposed to constantly flicking her "the look" to get her back on track. Third term went by quickly, and the Interior Design class was a big hit. For Donae, it solidified what she wanted to do post-high school; attend Art Institutes Minneapolis and become an interior designer.

Fourth term flew by, this time I had Donae in my Cultures & Cuisine class. Throughout all of these terms, Donae was notorious for coming to class late. I generally didn't call out kids on that, just let them know privately that it was not acceptable and that their grade was going to suffer because of their tardiness. Donae was never snide or anything, just kind of shrugged like, "I don't know what happens!" and we went on from there.

Donae graduated in June, with plans to wait a year before starting at Arts Institute. Unfortunately, Fate intervened.

Donae was in a drinking-related car crash in June. She got into a car with a driver who later blew a 0.21; this driver went into a ditch while bringing Donae home. Donae broke her neck, partially severed her spinal cord, and broke 4 vertebrae in her back. She is paralzyed from the waist down, and has very limited use of only one arm. She's been in the hospital all summer, had surgery to fuse her back, and has now moved to a rehab facility in Golden Valley.

I went to see Donae because she got in touch with her old counselor, my old colleague, and asked for me specifically. She said I was her favorite teacher.

How could I not go?

The visit was hard; we cried, we laughed, we cried some more. We talked about wishing for a re-do in life, and wondering what the future would hold. I saw the scars, watched Donae just lying there, and thought, "This is not her - she should be skipping around with a frappucino, making noise and disrupting things!" But it IS her; at least, it's her as she is now.

I plan to go back to see Donae this weekend, and per her request, bring some boneless buffalo wings from Applebee's. It's certainly not easy, and it's not something I look forward to like other things in my life, but it's something I feel I need to do. This vibrant girl picked ME as her favorite, as the one she wanted to see, as the one she needed to explain to. The least I can do is listen.