Still the same, still the same...

So I'm listening to Bob Seger on a Saturday evening (hence the title). All is quiet in the school building, except for the raucous rendition of "Hello Dolly!" being performed in the auditorium. And where am I, as usual? In my classroom, trying to get my crap together for next week! Would have done it today, except I was judging debate in Champlin Park for some extra $$. Can't do it tomorrow, as I'm at a wedding shower for my cousin all day. And so it goes on...

To say it concisely, I am in hell. My alternative learning center junior highers are killing me, bit by bit. Let me ask: Do I seem like the type who enjoys immaturity? Do I like responding to asinine questions that are completely unrelated to what we are learning in class? Do I really want to work with these kids?

If you know me at all, and therefore answered "NO" in a resounding fashion to all of the above, you are so totally my people!! (Can I get a shout-out for grown up conversations, what what?)

Kill me now. Bob and I are going to try to put together a hands-on activity for the little buggers, to keep them busy and me sane. Wish me luck and patience.

This town wasn't big enough for the both of us

The town in question: St. Paul.

The "us" in question: me and a Falcon Heights police officer.

So after I dropped off my marathon-running friend at the 'Dome on Sunday, I'm driving another friend (this one hungover and without a car) to her place in Falcon Heights. As I'm telling stories (and of course, not paying close attention to my driving), my eyes are drawn into the rearview mirror.

What are these flashing red lights I see?

Oh yes, you've got it. It's the Five-Oh, the po-lice, the man.

So I pull over, not sure if I ran a red, drifted out of my lane, or had the pedal a little too far to the floor. Given my particular gift for speeding, I was betting on door #3. Officer approaches, asks if I know why I'm being pulled over, can he have my license and insurance...and yes, ma'am, you were going 45 in a 30, didn't you realize it's only a 30? So back to his car he goes, to decide my fate...

And he returns, saying he's going to give me the benefit of the doubt, as my record is clear and I'm apparently not aware of where or how badly I was speeding. Warning, have a nice day, ma'am.

And slow down.

And I will. For now...

Blizzards or sunburns?

In a recent conversation with a friend from the warm areas of the country, I got to pondering an intriguing question: which to prefer? The blizzardy bitter cold of the Midwest, with its warm but not scorching summers and all four seasons, OR, the searing heat over-100-degrees-on-a-regular-basis but nicely warm during the "winter" of the Nevada/Arizona/New Mexico area?

I like myself a good snow fort.

Hell, I even go ice skating from time to time.

But seriously, can't we all live without the friggin' scraping of ice and snow that couldn't possibly have accumulated since the last time it was done, a mere 2 hours before?

However, given my inclination to all things sunburn, I don't know how I'd fare in another place. And, there's the hot/humid combination. You all know my hair goes all Diana Ross when it's that particular combo of elements (re: Nat - remember my night in Tampa? Ybor City + Di = scary Diana Ross impersonator mixin' it up with thugs near da clubs).

Plus, do they even have cheese curds in Vegas or Phoenix?

Week 1 Done: Still Alive

OK, so now that the first week of school is over, and I find I am still able to draw breath into my body, I should update the ol' blog. For all 5 people who read it. But whateva!

School is off to a bang. I have all interior design classes this quarter, which makes my life easier. I also have 35-36 students in each of those classes....yikes!! But it's not so bad, as most of them are fairly mellow females, and the classroom I'm in can accommodate that many bodies fairly well.

So there's always a caboose on the train, of course. Like 4th hour, a girl who sits right in front, flips open her cell phone "to check the time" every few minutes. No recognition of the HUGE CLOCK RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER ON THE WALL. But please, yes, let's have a stupid ass power struggle over the cell phone. Because apparently she cannot read an analog clock.

Or maybe the girls in 2nd hour, 3 of whom I switched into different seats after Day 1 showed them to be vicious in proximity to one another. Catfight potential? Perhaps. I better not wear any big earrings or things that could get pulled, just in case.

But overall, not too bad. I ask you: Did we notice these things when we were in school? The undercurrents, the petty I-don't-want-to-sit-by-her-because-fill-in-the-reason-here, the whining, the defiance? Or were we all just too damn good for our own good?

Shoes, fabulous shoes

I don't know if it's all the "Sex in the City" DVD's I've been watching or what, but I've been a shoe whore this summer. Yup, you heard it here first: I've become a double-accessory, shoe & purse lovin' shiksa. It's out of control.

Let me just say, in my defense: they shouldn't make turquoise beaded ballet slippers if they don't want me to buy them. Same goes with the black & white backless heels with the cute little flower on the side.

Good thing I get paid today.

A new type of "family togetherness"

So I went up to Duluth this weekend, as my stepbrother Jeff was in town. Soon to be divorced, Jeff was ready to hit it (the bottle, that is) with his brother Brian and their wayward sister Diane. Not to be left out, we invited baby brother Nathan, who turns 23 today. But I digress.

Getting the party started at The Reef (I shit you not, it's really called that) in Duluth, I graciously offer to sober-cab my louts of brothers around for the evening. Let the drinking progress.

First, the Vikings lost. Dammit!

Then, we lost Jeff's stepdad at one of the bars we went to. Now, it takes some doing to lose a 50-ish guy at a college bar, but he was MIA for a good 30 minutes. No clue where he went, but I suspect he hightailed it to a different bar for a decent snifter of brandy.

Finally, the coup de grace, the boys insist that I need to go to the 'Toga. Yup, that's the Saratoga, infamous strip club of the greater Duluth area.

Nothing says family togetherness than putting $1's in a g-string with your brothers. Manda, I have to say it's a worthy sibling bonding exercise...just a suggestion. But please, be drunk enough to swear it didn't happen or that you weren't at fault. In my case, I plead no contest. I was curious to see what it's like.

And with that skanky memory burned into my brain for all time, I leave you.

Damn ducks

Another reminder that people are morons....

So as I cruise down highway 97 (a 2-lane near my school), I see that an old lady is driving a lead car in a 3-car train. That is, the asshole behind her is riding her tail because she isn't hurtling headlong down the highway at breakneck speed, and the car behind him is doing the same.

Suddenly, the lady in front hits the brakes, forcing the tailgater in the HUGE pickup to swerve around her...into my lane! Now the truck is aimed at me! Meanwhile, the third car swerves into the ditch to avoid the lady with the brakes on. The truck flashes back into his own lane, and I catch the driver clearly shouting epithets for his near miss. The little old lady has come to a damn-near stop on the highway as I go by, and the final car is trying to get back out of the ditch.

The cause of all this hoopla, during which my 26 years on this planet have flashed before my eyes and I nearly peed my pants? Four little duckies, trying to cross the road, and one little old lady, who apparently felt their lives were more important than those of the people driving around her.

Bitch.

The countdown is on...

The countdown to the first days of school is on! I don't know where the summer has gone, seriously. Especially that night out with the girls (how many bottles of wine was that?)!

Of course, as our first pay day approaches, how else do I reflect on the wonders of my job? I send out a mass email inviting everyone I work with to come drink with me! That's right, I am encouraging public consumption of alcoholic beverages at the townie bar we hang at (Geb & Manda, you've been there!).

Here's to many Friday funfests as I enter this, my 4th year of building a better America!